Never being satisfied, now this is something
I can talk about for a very long time.
I can want something with all my heart, want it badly,
be tunnel visioned until I get it and then get it and find faults immediately.


The Journey


It's because we have not honed the skill of living in the now.
We are afraid of the now. It hurts, it's the pain of yesterdays
and the fear of tomorrows all bundled up in one.
If we live in the now we have to feel now, and to feel now we
have to deal with all our garbage and that takes so much out of us.
So we go, day to day, always believing, always hoping, always
waiting for what is better and of course it never comes
but we knew that all along.


There have been many times I was close to death, I know the
last thoughts that will come into my head, some silly, some not so.
The first thing that comes to mind when faced with a tragedy
is the very last moment that was enjoyed, perhaps hours ago
or yesterday, and you think to your self "if only I could be there again,
I'd be so happy" and we would because we'd be out of the tragedy,
but we wouldn't really be happy if we went back because we
didn't live in the moment, if we had lived in the moment, and
carried it with us into our tragedy then we'd say
"thank you Lord that I got to do that".


How do we live in the moment? Practice. Practice. Practice.
First we must learn to deep breathe always, if we got into this
habit we'd be far closer to where we want to be.

Deep breathing is the key to every spiritual journey and living
in the moment is very spiritual. We have to learn to hold on to
the place the deep breathing takes us to because events scare
us out of it.

A phone ringing, a noise, something that requires us to respond,
we must learn to take the peace with us.

To get out of the habit of responding as we did when we were children.
Why as an adult would we have to have our heart pound if a
pan catches fire? Why would we have to be scared and say "oh no".
When we have the knowledge, the skill, the motor movement,
the ability to very, simply put the fire out. Never once having to
stop our deep breathing, but we don't do this because we are a
victim of our own ego's, we won't let go of what we know to be
us even though it's the part of us we have been running from
all our lives, and why? Because right or wrong the way we respond,
and react is familiar to us, and compared to the world where
everything is uncertain the one thing the only thing we can count
on is to be our selfs, so we don't rush in to the change we seek,
we don't take the new road even though we've traveled far to reach it.


We stay on the road we've always been on, the one with the worn down tracks,
the familiar sights, smells and sounds, only there comes a day
when we can't help but face the fact that we've known the
road goes in a circle and we've known it all along.
But, once we realize it we can't beat our selfs up for it because
that would only make the road more attractive.
It absolutely must be realized that we are not sorry we went in
circles we are not sorry for that road, we embrace it and stand
thankful that it was there as we wave good bye to journey on to the new road.


The traveling won't be as sure and true, we won't know the bends and turns
but if we hold on to the faith in our selfs, in our God that we have
indeed grown and are meant to grow more, then we go onward,
and we feel, oh so intensely as we realize the new road and us
have become one and the same, we ARE the journey by God!