D-File #1 The Mysterious Death The following information is transcribed directly from Disky's note pad at the funeral services held on Friday, March 13th 1998. Next I waddled over to interview some of the suspects at the funeral itself. The entire funeral had the feel of a media circus left out in the sun for three days after a hard rain. What the heck does that mean? I have no idea but it sounded good when I thought it up. I moved on... The entire affair was just to tacky. I would not be surprised if the funeral had been held off for so long just to advertise it for months on end. the place was as packed as a Who concert and I had a balcony ticket. The first person I spotted (aside for someone asking to see my ticket stub) was a barker offering 'free' T-shirts. This was a joke as even I had to pay $100 to get in the gate. the T-shirts looked a bit fishy. They had Vikki's casket surrounded by a party of mourners printed rather poorly on the front. A careful inspection revealed that on the back they had the words "I went to Virtual Vikki's funeral and all I got was this T-shirt". Now while I'm a tolerant digi-pet I do have my limits. Worse than that another barker was selling off Vikki's spare eyeballs as souvenirs. Even worse while there were sold individually for only $10 a pair of them would sent someone back $25. I never realized how many eyes Vikki had lying around. I saw several crates of them hidden under the table. Being only two feet tall does have some advantages. Worse than that some wolf, who bought four of the 'souvenir' eyes, I spotted some time later snacking on them!! While the buffet left something to be desired, I though this was mega-tacky even if some creatures had occasionally eaten Vikki's eyes when they popped out and rolled away, this was no excuse. The buffet itself was, true to form, an all you can eat buffet of Vikki's favorite cereal. Quick Time O's. However what they forgot to tell you was this was extremely compressed cereal. One box lasts the average eater several months. The advertising on the box is actually true. It really is the "Crunchy digital breakfast cereal which decompresses in your tummy" and a half a bowl is a huge meal. It is a good thing the company which makes the actual cereal gives it away (they are trying to become the industry standard for all breakfast cereals), otherwise it might have actually cost this Swan character some money. Did I mention that the cereal was free? Well the milk, spoons, and bowls were not. The optional spoon was a mere five dollars. The add-on milk was only ten dollars. The optional bowl (commerative Vikki styrofoam bowl) was where they hit you the worst for a whopping twenty five dollars. God help your wallet should you want to sit down to eat. As I mentioned some of the attendees ate too quickly. Luckily they had stomach pumps available for rent at what Swan described as a 'reasonable price'. D-File #2 The Swan Tape Disky conduced this investigative interview with the mysterious, and rarely seen record baron, known simply as Swan on March 13th 1998. Disky: This entire funeral thing is bit commercialized don't you think? I mean I know you were her promoter while she was alive, but do you think this is going a bit overboard? Swan: No not at all. Each mourner received a free commemorative T-shirt! Disky: Don't you think it was a little tacky. Swan: I think the shirts look quite nice actually! Disky: They have writing on the back... Swan: Yes, and the lettering is top notch ... no expense was spared! Disky: The words read "I went to Virtual Vikki's funeral and all I got was this T-shirt" Swan: Well , they were free! Disky: Yes, but admission to the funeral was $100 bucks a head. Swan: Well there were planing expenses and the catering... Disky: What about the wolf with two heads! Did you charge double? Swan: Of course I did, two heads can devour twice the buffet in half the time a normal person can. Disky: And the television advertising campaign? Swan: Well television isn't free... I mean... I wanted to let as many people possible know that Virtual Vikki actually was dead. Disky: So you delayed the funeral from December to a later date? Swan: It seemed reasonable. Disky: But for three months? Swan: Yes it seemed like the best way to... Disky...attract a crowd? Swan: Yes, I mean no! It was a way to... uh.. allow her friends from distant lands to gather. Besides the body was preserved. Disky: How so? Swan: I have a cousin to works for the Tupperware corporation who constructed a special Tupperware casket just for the preservation. It was so well made we didn't even have to burp it once! Disky: How about the other souvenirs? Swan: Well everyone wants something from this event to take home with them to remember Virtual Vikki by. Disky: Such as her eyes? Swan: Well.. uh.... Disky: Or the bucket of her splines! Swan: ...uh.... Disky: Or that awful surface map Virtual Vikki rug!! Swan: I would rather not talk about that right now. Disky: I have but one more question for you Mr. Swan Swan: and that would be? Disky: Is there anything of Virtual Vikki to be found in her coffin? Swan: No comment. D-File #3 The Usuaul Suspects I have been closely observing and going over my notes and still have not figured out just who might have killed Vikki. After wandering around this media circus which served as her funeral I can not help at wondering who committed this crime. Over three months have no passed and the authorities still have no leads on the crime. Did I mention that Swan had special boxes of Vikki's favorite cereal "Quick Time O's" printed up with her image just for the event, though I understand that they will be available soon at local stores as well. (I snapped a picture of the box since they had a free plastic toy of me inside) Unless it was the work of a cereal killer the prime suspect must still be Swan. As her promoter all this publicity must be helping to sell more of her latest CD (Virtual Vikki: Unplugged is still available!) but there are still other suspects. Some of the people who came to her funeral I had never set eyes on before. I paid careful attention to what they had to say regarding Vikki and her tragic passing. " VirtVikki, (*sniff*), was a wonderful digi-voop! (*sniffsniff!*) She always used to give me hugs an' stuff, an' she always sent me cool pictures on Yiffnet (*sniff*). I'm really gonna miss her...(*sniff*)...(Wonder if she left me her stereo in her will?)...(*sniff!*)" -- Trixi Bigfoot-Solfire, Lop friend of the late VirtVikki. I am Boss_Hoss, of the EDF ground forces. Vikki? Yes,I have long been fascinated by the Digital Voop whos passing we mourn today. *sniff*..she was one of the first beings I encountered when I first got connected to the earth's internet. She was so lovely and so... digitaly enhanced! *whuffle* I already miss her...*sob*..excuse me.. "Virtual Vikki... yes, it's terrible isn't it? I <snifles> only knew her for such a short time before she... <wet cough> passed away... On behalf of everyone at the National Endowment for the <sniffles> Arts I've thought to have a bill introduced creating a <restrained sob> fund for young artists like Miss Vikki... Why, she's even given my the inspiration to try out such art myself! <Sniffles> P-pardon me... a moment... I've never been very good at funerals... <cries>" NEAneko I knew Vikki before she was a star, sniff..of course she's a lot older then me, but we go way back. Very close.. like family only different,. so when swan got on her case about her appearance, she'd come to me for help..sniff she was so hopeless, you'd think she'd been raised by dogs, swan was always after Vikki to dress up more, "she was forever running around in cut off and her favorite t-shirt, weeks on end" so she hired me to out fit her, and do her hair, her Idea of hair care is running a comb through it once a week, she was such a tom-boy sniff..sniff.. always losing her eyes, snagging her splines on stuff, and pulling them out of alignment, she need me..sniff. You know after she hired me she hit the top ten best dress digavoop website. "sob" Oh, her will? Well I'm sure she left her tree house to me, and all her money to Disky, but you know I'm sure that she'd want me to look after Disky for her, why would I kill her? Delite The Dragoness (Hairdresser & wardrobe mistress) D-File #4 Disky's Diary The following information was found inside Disky's personal diary on April 12, 1998. I do not think Disky ever intended for anyone to read this, but it clears up a few things. Vikki I've done everything I could think of. I've gone over the crime scene with a fine tooth comb, and all I got were tangled lives and managed hopes. I was so sure Swan was guilty! He's such a slimy weasel. He'd do anything for a buck, and he was making money hand over fist over her death, and as for the loss of his "golden goose" as he often called Vikki, he wasn't hurting. He was getting rich on the movie rights and biographies. Was he capable of cooking his own goose? Yes, he was, but he lacked the opportunity, Vikki was on her own, both he and Delite were going crazy trying to find her, apparently she'd ditched her bodyguards and ran off with Elvis, who she'd met at a the maybe dead celebrity party hosted by James Dean which was held every year for the newly they maybe dead rich & famous she read about it in the Midnight Star and begged Swan to let her go. I'd known for ages that Furlink, the big ape, was in love with Vikki, but she only thought of him as a friend, he was to hairy for her, I'd caught up with him, the night of her death, after Delite had called me to let me know they had a lead, that there was a Vikki sighting near the studio with Elvis. Delite was calling from her place and I was closer so I got there first and found her, she was almost dead, Elvis was shaking her shoulder telling her to wake up, a snow globe of the tree house lay broken by her hand, seeing me he cried "Oh man I didn't do nuthin' I cant be seen here, little Colonel! I'm dead ya' know, you gotta help her, I love her like a sister, only different!" I knew there wad still a chance to save her, I grabed the Tickle Me Elmo from the shelf Vikki left it on between recordings, and put it in her arms, she looked at me and smiled shaking her head. "Treehouse..." she whispered, and died. I stared in shock as the Elmo as dead as Vikki, for a second my mind went blank and then I see it the bottom of the broken globe has a catch I flip it the batteries roll out, Vikki had taken the batteries out of the Tickle Me Elmo doll, to put into her globe, stepping in the water shorted her out, that's why she'd been reaching for the globe but she'd been to week and dropped and broke it. Without thinking I put them in my pouch as I suddenly remembered the letter she'd sent to me telling me she'd left back up files with Furlink in case of an emergency. She was worried about her files getting coruped, and didn't trust Swan completely. I needed to save her if I could. As I left the building through the back I caught a glimpse of Delite and Swan entering through the front, but I couldn't stop, I ran all the way to Furlink's place but as I busted into #Furry after no one came to answer the door. I was shocked to find him passed out drunk among the ruined furniture and back up files, a bottle (of Lance's 'Lion Wiz' beer) in one hand and a copy of the Midnight Star in the other, I'd picked up the copy from his limp paw, Vikki's picture stared back at me. She was in the arms of Elvis the new love of her life. She always had a soft spot for nekid apes. Furlink must have been crushed by the sight of her in another's arms, got drunk and lost it, wrecking the place and trashing Vikki's back up files in a fit of blind jealousy. The midnight star seemed fated to play a big part in Vikki's life and a key roll in her death. Vikki had met Swan through the papers want ad's, and while she was suppose to be dead she would forget and hang around furry muck her favorite hang out, so swan got angry and sent her into hiding, in the Squeaky Clean Furry Archives were Vikki was to stay until things cooled down, I remember how bored she'd get and ask me to pick her up a copy of the Midnight Star, the very same issue as the "annual 'maybe dead' celebrity party." I searched around in the mess and managed to find all of Vikki's backup disks. It took me forever to find all of them. One was stuck inside a lamp shade and another was in the bottom of a pair of pantyhose. Don't laugh, it isn't easy for me to fetch such things. Some of the disks had been damaged almost beyond hope. The one in the bottom of the bag of microwave popcorn was particularly nasty, not to mention the ones soaked in Lion Wiz beer. At least I hope it was beer! I put them all into a box and dragged them back to the treehouse. It was obvious that i was going to need a really good disk repair program. Unfortunately I didn't not have one. I had to search for nickels and dimes behind and under sofas in #Furry for months trying to collect enough cash to buy The Hallock Utilities. It took a wile to decipher the manual. They don't call it the #1 problem causing software for nothing! Getting her heavy computer down from the treehouse took me quite a while, but I hauled it and a bunch of equipment down to her grave and ran the software. I was delighted when Vikki re-booted right in front of my eyes in a flash of light. Now we are back together, though Vikki is now easily confused and no longer knows the number twelve. Still it is really great to have her back. Who else would buy me Disky-Snacks?