Cast picture from
"Vanessa 38-24-36 "
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Before DS9 there was the Adam Quark who was
commander of the United Galaxies Sanitation Patrol
Cruiser. In Space no one collects your garbage!
Except for Adam and his crew. I have recently
scanned a bunch of great pics from this show which
I found in a box, mostly in B&W but a few were
in color as well!
More pictures added to the gallery. I have
decided to put the four most recent ones at the top
of this page to make them easy to find.
There were some great fan written short QUARK
stories. Many appeared in The Clipper Trade Ship
(still in occasional publication ) before issue 40.
If there is interest I could put the address and a
listing of which back issues have stories in them
of interest. This show was partially created by
Buck Henry fresh from his stint on Saturday Night
Live and originally one of the big wheels behind
Get Smart. QUARK managed to parody just about
everything both current and old during the limited
run on NBC.
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The main character, played by Richard Benjamin,
as Adam Quark, was as heroic as you could be
and still be a garbage collector. He was in charge
of the United Galaxies Sanitation Patrol cruiser,
which strangely enough had no name. He also has a
pet, a ball of protoplasm named Ergo, which
appeared in the original pilot and later on in the
Vanessa episode. Ergo seemed intent on digesting
his creator in the pilot, but mellowed out during
his/her only other appearance. In the regular
series he claimed that he built Andy out of spare
parts.
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The original pilot episode features Dr. O.B.
Mudd (sp?) as a one eyed
old/mad/scientist/Doctor McCoy clone who knew
little about science or medicine. In this picture
from the pilot he can be spotted as the one with
the eye patch. He evidently lost his eye when he
fell asleep while looking into a microscope. His
character was a sort of senile McCoy rip-off. In
the pilot he claimed the honor of designing the
robot Andy.
He was played by Douglas V. Fowley.
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When the show was picked up Mudd's character was
replaced with that of Ficus Pandorata (sp?)
a vegaton plant/Spock like clone. Who was an
absolute joy to watch. In one episode The Good,
the Bad, and the Ficus We see evil counterparts
from an anti matter universe of all the crew
members, however Ficus is exactly the same in both
the matter and anti-matter universe and just as
frustrating to the crew in both!
What little fan fiction that was written around
this show seemed to revolve around Ficus.
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Gene/Jean a transmute (played by Tim
Tomerson of the Jack Deth series of Trancer movies)
had the peculiar problem of possessing a full set
of both male and female chromosome. Severe
personality changes occurred when her/his usual
masculine self got in touch with his/her feminine
side.
Most recently Tim played a general in the pilot
episode of Crusade (the sequel to Babylon 5)
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Betty 1, Betty 2 were two identical
clones. Well one of them was a clone. Which one was
never revealed. Both were in love with Adam Quark,
but Adam only seemed to care about the original.
Since he could never tell which was which he was
never very interested in either.
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Andy was the servo mechanism designed and
built by Adam Quark. Andy was always ready to turn
Quark and his crew over to the enemy if it meant he
might be spared. Andy had something going on with
another servo mechanism back on Perma 1 by the name
of Mandy. Mandy (or the mechanism anyhow made an
appearance on a later episode of Fantastic Journey)
Andy was also engaged to the 'load control box' in
the pilot episode.
Andy was played by Bobby Porter who stared in many
Disney movies and Cesar's son in the last Planet of
the Apes movie. He also made an appearance in
Fantastic Journey (also shown on NBC). On the
series QUARK he also played the roll of Dink, one
of the constant fuzzy thorns in the side of Otto
Palindrome. Come to think of it Andy's 'girlfriend'
Mandy also showed up in an episode of Fantastic
Journey and on an episode of Wonder Woman set at a
science fiction convention.
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Otto Palindrome, whose first name is a
Palindrome, was in charge of operations on the
United Galaxies space station Perma 1.
Otto is often helped by a Cousin IT clone called
Dink. I do not have a picture of Dink.
In this picture form the original pilot Otto is
shown on the right addressing delegates at a
historic meeting aliens. The alien with the cigar
(the one closest to him) is Buck Henry.
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The Head evidently was the ruler of the United
Galaxies. He was a good thinker but relied on Otto
to do most of the work as he was only a head on a
screen. He was often generous in bestowing upon
Adam Quark the honor of making him the focus of his
latest experiment. The head was prone to stress
related headaches. Even though he had a lot of
power the worst he could personally do was bite
you.

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I don't have a picture of this yet. Use you
imagination! Gene/Jean often drew pictures of
Gorgons. Actually he drew pictures of Gorgons with
no heads and he drew them in purple. That is why he
was kicked out of Sunday School!
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The Gorgons were the dreaded enemies of
The United Galaxies. They were a bit of the Klingon
with the royalty of Ming the Merciless thrown in
for good measure. Their leader, the High
Gorgon, was shown only in the second pilot (May
the Source Be With You) although his half brother
turns out to be Emperor Zorgon (Zorgon The
Malevolent).
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In the original
pilot the United Galaxies is celebrating
100 years of peace. When a giant cloud of ...
something.. is going to digest the galaxy. The
nearest ship happens to belong to Adam Quark. Adam
is no stranger to action. One time he was captured
by a unit if mildly animated semi-inteligent
vegetables! Since his ship is the closes the Head
orders Quark to sacrifice himself. Meanwhile Andy
has fallen in love with the lad control box. As he
professes his undying love to the machine it expels
tons of compressed space trash. The cloud of
whatever eats the trash and goes home happy.
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The Source can not be seen but the Source is
everywhere!
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May the Source Be With
You High Gorgon played by Henry Silva,
voice of the source provided by the very talented
Hans Conreid When Quark pursues a ship it turns out
to be a lot bigger than the thought. Death Star
sized actually! In this parody of Star Wars Quark
is entrusted with The Source. An all knowing
presence kept in "The Orb" and only brought out on
special occasions. Unfortunately the Source is a
bit rusty after 500 years inside the orb. A very
cute Star Wars parody.
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The Old and the
Beautiful Princess Carna: Barbara
Rhoades
Another Star Trek parody this time
combining two different episodes. Quark is order to
have an intimate romantic interlude with a
princess. Unfortunately he gets a bit to close to a
space phenomena and starts to rapidly age. The fate
of a bunch of people are at steak.. so there is a
lot riding on Quark for this to go over well.
Fortunately, for Quark and the United Galaxies, she
likes older men. During the interlude Quark gets
his youth back.
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The Good, the Bad, and
the Ficus Admiral Flint: Geoffrey Lewis
An excellent Star Trek episode where the crew of
the UGSP cruiser meets themselves from a "Mirror
Mirror" universe. In this mirror reality Quark is
evil, Gean/Jean is evil. the Betty's are evil, Andy
is evil, and Ficus... well Ficus is the same. Sort
of a bit like the Arena episode of Star trek too.
"What is that thing in your ear Ficus?"
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Vanessa 38-24-36
Dr. Cheryl Evans and Voice of Vanessa:
Marianne Bunch
Quark is becomes the Head's latest experiment.
His ship is the first to receive this experimental
computer. This new computer " Vanessa 38-24-36 " is
programed with it's creators personality. It
immediately becomes jealous of the Bettys. It is
annoyed that Quark is on the ship. As a 2001 parody
this episode is pretty good. At the end Quark and
Ergo (yes he is in the regular series) take a space
walk and re-enter the ship through the garbage
hatch. Ergo has a way cute space suit. In the end
the Vanessa computer is ejected into space where it
sings "Born Free" as it drifts away.
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I finally have a slide from this
show,, but it was lost in a recent crash!
I will be re-scanning it
soon!
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Goodbye,
Polombus Zoltar the Magnificent.. Denny
Miller
My favorite Quark episode of all time. Quark is
ordered to the planet Polombus. A planet from which
previous expeditions have been sent but none have
returned. When Quark beams down strange things
start to happen. Ficus meets a female
mathematician, the Bettys cant stop dancing with
two mysterious partners. Gean/Jean is assisted in a
battle by a comic book hero. And Quark is
confronted by a beautiful woman. As all this is
going on Andy (who was left to mind the store) is
talking to his girlfriend Mandy (another robot at
Perma 1) as he does not hear the commander's calls
for help. At the end it turned out a device planted
by the Gorgons was manipulating their minds and had
enslaved the 'mud people' living on the planet. The
princess of the mud people is so grateful she gives
Quark a nice hug.
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All The Emperor's
Quasi-Norms aka Zorgon The Malevolent a
two part episode shown in some areas as a one hour
special. Emperor Zorgon played by Ross Martin (You
remember him from Wild Wild West!), Princess Libido
played by Joan Van Ark
Dick Durock (who later went on to become the
Swamp Thin in the USA series) played a Lizigoth in
Zorgon the Malevolent.
This episode was very much in honor of Flash
Gordon. Of special note is the pollination sequence
between Ficus and Princess Libido
The picture at the side shows the Bettys trying
to instruct Ficus on the ways of love. They seemed
to think that Quark would make a good example too.
Gean/Jean has some good parts in this episode
where he impersonates a scientist giving a lecture
on "IT", something which he knows nothing about.
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There were many other semi regular characters
which popped up more than once but I'll have to get around
to writing about them later. For a show that only ran eight
episodes they manages to parody Star Trek (in the pilot),
Star Wars (in May the Source Be With You (a two part or 1
hour long episode in some areas)), Flash Gordon (in the
series finale 2 part show Zorgon The Malevolent), Star Trek
(again in The Good, The Bad, and the Ficus), 2001 (in
Vanessa 32, 24, 38) and many other cliches plot
complications and devices borrowed or outright stolen from
just about everywhere..
You can e-mail me at virtvikki@attbi.com
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