RE-INVENTING MYSELF AGAIN, GROWING BEYOND MY
I CREATE A NEW LAYER OF MY STORY, TO PUT IT ALL INTO PERSPECTIVE [FOHAT]
A Philosopher-Futurist Invitation
Several years earlier, I had decided
to make a calendar program for teachers, to manage their lesson
plans, while I was developing a calendar program,
as a prototype computer software system to "help
computerize the legal process". I was going
to call the system for teachers "Orchestrator".
to reframe their role into more of an orchestra leader, with each student playing the instrument of their own learning process.
It had been about 1989, and I had gone to the Siskiyou County Office of Education one day, and talked about it with a lady named Barbara Hamilton, and she was enthusiastic about it. I had then let that project get stuck, due to my own health problems.
While doing some research on lesson plans, I had learned of learner- controlled instruction". I had seen a book titled INTERACTIVE INSTRUCTIONAL DESIGNS FOR INDIVIDUALIZED LEARNING, by Danny G. Langdon. At the time, I had been so impressed with this book, that I made a complete photocopy of it.
Since taking classes in the Legal Assistant program in Fall of 1994, and Spring of 1995, I had had the desire to work for COS as some kind of teachers' assistant, helping to prepare teaching materials.
Hearing Milan talk about the same kind of things,
that he called "wholistic",
"self-directed", "project- oriented", and "experiential", had made me feel like "my life falling into place". I felt neuronal synapses firing off all over my brain, while listening to that first lecture. I had gone there, initially, to learn AutoCAD, in connection with my Energy Efficiency Analysis work. Most of the EE work in the county was being done by two ladies who draw up the houseplans for the contractors. By the time the work reached my main contractor client, the EE work had been done.
After that first four-hour lecture, I had gone to every class Milan taught that week, just to see what was happening there. He had created "metanoia" in me. I forgot all about learning to do houseplans with AutoCAD, and started off on the track of learning everything I possibly could, about "wholistic learning".
I guess these same teachers' lesson plans calendar urges in my head were being awakened.
For weeks, I would stay up until 3am,
all excited about these new thoughts,
feeling more like I was using both sides of my brain in my thinking. Another thing I did was start doing the computer mouse clicking with my left hand. I had long been a keyboard-oriented, non-GUI "real programmer", and the mouse did not "feel right" in my right hand. It seemed to exercise the wrong side of my brain that way. I also invented a new herbal formula to help me, that I named X++, which seemed to help RightBrain activity. I was taking that. I seemed to need less sleep.
During these same years while taking classes and doing informal volunteer teaching at the PTTC, I have done some of my best writing ever, on other themes that I had been developing. Something about being involved in Milan's classes made me more mentally integrated, and less like channeling in a trance, when these ideas would come. Perhaps it was my book report on Julian Jaynes book. Also, hearing that Systems Theory was speaking the same truths that I had thought no one would ever understand, unless they also had the same scientific and programming background that I did, had been a liberating experience.
I especially enjoyed the Systems Theory classes, and
All his classes are self-directed, experiential, project-oriented, and "workplace-environment", so I also enjoyed the AutoCAD classes, and the computer networking classes, and other classes from him. As I learned from him by "tuning into" his vibrational level, like I had read about in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, the way that the Buddhas had taught, I was experiencing something new to me, like what "bhakti yoga" must have meant, like learning under a "guru", by absorbing their "vibes".
Many of my project topics of choice were about thinking and learning, so, in a sense, I was pursuing my own unofficial "self-directed" certificate program in "wholistic teaching", as well as gaining technical skills related to computers, and general new management skills.
In Spring of 1997, I was pursuing a self-directed survey course in distance learning at the PTTC, and one online from another college, in Instructional Design, when I got sick mid-semester, and dropped both classes. My general goal, at that time, was a Masters Degree in some kind of Courseware Development, or Distance Learning Technology.
I suffered much of 1997 with severe chronic fatigue syndrome, and neck and back pain, and chronic sinusitis. In spite of the seeming hopelessness of having an incurable viral disease, learning how to deal with it, how to overcome it, how to "rise above it", has been a continuing growth process, an ongoing lesson in "living in the moment", and learning to "tune into" layers of reality where I am already healed.
Hopefully, I will be able to pick up the thread of obtaining a Masters Degree in some aspect of distance learning, again. Then, I decided that learning computer networking would be a good short-term goal, as this is a high-demand, fairly well-paid vocational choice.
For now, I am seeking a challenging job, preferably near Redding, California, where my son and his family live. Since my late husband died in late 1992, 73 hours before the Winter Solstice, I had been intending to move to Redding.
My first grandchild is 3 years old, and my daughter- in-law is pregnant with the second one. I had started talking at 5 months, and my son started talking at 3 months, so I really miss being there to see all these things in the grandchildren. And I have pleasant memories of having my mother's mother nearby, as I was growing up.
I have lived in Yreka since June of 1976, and have
not worked as an employee since before that. While married
to my husband, Albert R Soza,
I gained a lot of paralegal-type experience, handling his many legal cases.
During our years together, he taught me to be a paralegal, in the law of California, Texas, Arizona, and Oregon. Being married to Albert was like going to law school.
I also was a peace activist, writing many letters to world leaders, trying to explain how the "peace process" works. The advent of the Internet gives me a forum for "publishing" the many historical documents that I have saved.
Part of my unique viewpoint is due to my liberal upbringing, as the daughter of Elizabeth Newton, a newspaper reporter in SE Texas, including weekly Theosophy meetings, since the age of 12. One of my favorite (set of) books is The Secret Doctrine, by Helena P. Blavatsky. This is an encyclopedia of comparative religion, that includes Ms. Blavatsky's writings after her deep study of many different religions. I borrowed Mama's set of 1962 Adyar edition, in 1978. Later, she disavowed those kinds of ideas, probably as old age and poor brain circulation set in. By the time Mama died, in 1983, she had never asked for the books back.
During one of the many mind-expanding meetings I attended, with my Mama, on April 7, 1967, I was fortunate enough to chauffer the son of Edgar Cayce, Hugh Lynn Cayce, around our county, to various radio and television stations, for his interviews.
As I drove him around, with Mama aboard, of course, I made a silent wish, similarly to the one Edgar Cayce had made, "to be given gifts, to use to help other people". That same night, I had been visited by angels, and had had my heart chakra energized. .
I had already ranked in the 99.5%-ile of all US high school students, in my last year of high school, on the National Merit Scholarship Qualifying Test, and had always made 98% or 99% on all standardized tests, during all four years of high school, at Port Neches-Groves High School, Pt. Neches, Texas.
A year after this visitation, I was injured in an automobile accident on May 10, 1968, and began a process of mental reprogramming, apparently Nature's way of mending us after injury. A book by John C Lilly, Programming The Human Biocomputer, was helpful at that time.
In 1969-70, during programming work at Texas Instruments, in Richardson, TX, I had begun to feel like "the secrets of the universe" had been revealed to me. I think it was all that software development work at the machine code level, keying in a bootstrap loader, with toggle switches on a front panel, then loading a paper tape with a loader program, and then loading in another paper tape with the actual compiled code to be tested.
And patching it in 16-bit machine language. And writing everything in the whole computer, with re-entrant code. That must have done it. Thankfully, we could compile on an IBM 1130 computer, using punched cards, to generate the paper tapes. Those were the dark ages of "real programming". The computers had "core memory". And one of these early TI computers I wrote the original code for, was named the "Hal 9". About the same time, there was a movie, 2001, that had a computer named HAL, that ran the spaceship, and the guy had to crawl up inside it, to take out parts, to stop it.
Even earlier, while working as a technical writer for a NASA contractor in Houston, I had begun to write, and to collect my writings.
During those years from 1970 or so, and for at
least a decade afterwards,
I would experience sudden realizations, like that proverbial "light bulb going on" in the brain. I used to carry around a little tiny notebook, and record these "ideas", as they came. At first, I did not even understand, but was just the amaneunsis, or channeler, for these ideas. Later on, I had learned from the writings, and took a more positive role.
Many of my writings were along the same subject as the channelings from an entity named SETH, and it is ironic, perhaps, because my first husband was named Virender Narain Seth. He used to go by the name SETH, and I never had called him Virender.
My life is full of symbolism, and the meaning of names. For instance, my Seth's father's name was Jagat, or "universe", and his mother's name was "Kamala", or "tomorrow". Jagat Narain Seth was a pioneer in the movie business in New Delhi, India. My Seth and I had met at college. We are not together today, due to family interference. They threatened to disinherit him, if he did not divorce me.
My son from Seth, Ravi, began to talk at 3 months, and his very first words were "Ain, NeeNee", referring to wanting some breast milk. In our home, we called the breast "DeeDee". He called me "Ain" for over a year, before education began to intrude over his natural mind.
My maternal grandmother, and my big sister,
was/are named Sophia, and my father is named Theodore.
I don't recall when I began to develop an interest in the meaning of names,
but anyway, pardon the digression.
It is not too difficult to research the meanings of Ain, Ain Soph, and Ain Soph Aur.
Another coincidence has been that Milan has the same rare spatulate shaped fingertips that Seth had.
From about 1970, when I was working in Oakland, CA, till 1985, I got a lot of help from weak leaf marijuana, and never needed more than about one or two ounces in a whole year. I used a small pipe. It only took a few puffs of the weak leaf to help me.
This herb amplified my intuition, and was helpful for one undergoing mental reprogramming. I never paid more than ten dollars an ounce for it. Before my accident in 1968, I had a perfect photographic memory. Afterwards, I began to know more easily by the vibes of a situation. I began to tune into things. I became "ONE WITH" the Cosmic Computer.
The first realization that I got with the aid of the marijuana was that we have two levels of awareness, an inner one and an outer one, and if you add the two together, they will form an exponential curve. I feel that the "war on drugs" is a misguided effort, and the legal ramifications and economic upheaval from going to jail, causes more damage to individuals' lives than this herb ever did.
Many of the "ideas" especially over the initial ten-year period of mental reprogramming or metamorphosis, were expressed as deep scientific theory, about the interface between matter and energy, that I had done my senior seminar on, "Elementary Particles And The Interface Between Matter And Energy", and had gotten an A+ grade on, in college; interspersed with deep analogies to the assembly language programming that I was involved in at work. As for that seminar paper, several pamphlets published by The Theosophical Society had been helpful in understanding it. I still have them in all my clutter, somewhere.
In the summer of 1975, while these writings were sitting in my humble Volkswagen, Mother Nature chose to flood Houston, and got these pages wet. Many great truths were washed away, due to being written in water- soluble ink. Water-soluble felt-tip pens had been the fashion. Never again did I write in water-soluble ink. I never did figure out why they seemed to vanish, and become unpopular..
It is just as well, because after that, it all simplified, and the essence of the truths in more general terms, would be more understandable, anyway.
There are many important truths about how we think, and about how the Time- Space Matrix works, in my archival writings. That is why I publish them on the Internet. If it occasionally sounds "crazy", it is because when you speak at the archtypeal level, the macro level of the UniVerse, this is how it sounds. The UniVerse is all software.
TRANSCENDENCE is the key. By rising higher and higher in our brainwave coordination, we can tune in to higher and higher truths, within the Universal Mind, or Cosmic Computer. As we are all carbon copies of the same One Supreme BEing, rising higher within our own brainwave coordination helps us tune into our own higher nature.
If you put the essence of Thomas Jefferson, Mahatma Ghandhi, and Albert Einstein, into a blender, you would have what I am, in a nutshell.
The truth that chose to express itself thru me, is named "Time-Matrix Translation". It is a process of futurism, of teaching how we project our own future.
So, although my recent interest has grown into wholistic learning,
my long- term interests have been in futurism, and how we translate
from the "old story", to the "new story".
To fully and completely TRANSLATE EVERYBODY into the "new story" that I had built, like software in a Cosmic Computer, it is necessary to convince government bureaucrats everywhere to allow their citizens to exist at their highest level of brainwave coordination, at their own highest level-of-consciousness.
I believe this argument helped Mikhail Gorbachev feel inspired to allow Perestroika, and Restructuring, the "genie that he could not put back in the bottle", that eventually led to unraveling the paradigm of the "Cold War".
For many years, I wrote to both him and Ronald Reagan about Time Matrix Translation, and how that impacts the "peace process".
For many years, I developed software in
PowerBasic syntax, to help governments learn how to harness
the power of the computer to better govern.
I am most of all a futurist, a philosopher, a teacher of how we think best, how we learn best and easiest. After my 1968 auto accident, I was basically unconscious for three days, in which I had a continuous dream, that was like being in a junior college, that was in a circular building (a spaceship?), where people were learning things.
A few days later, during that ten day hospital stay, I was having lots of dreams about "eating" little floating shapes, that later on manifested themselves as the "one-to-many-to-one" thought frequency diagram. Later on, I had a copy of a lady's after-death experiences, "Blinded by the light", or something like that. It was very similar.
When I relate to the wording in the file on being a bodhisattva, it has a very real relevance.
Since November of 1996, I have enjoyed buying and selling on the online auction operated as first AuctionWeb, and now as eBay, because this is the same as my earlier work on a computerized barter system, the skills bank program named after "The State of Jefferson". To me, this is like waking up in a future universe of my own construction. I felt the same way when I heard Milan first talk, especially about Systems Theory, the same truths that I had slowly realized, over ten years or more.
Recently, I have discovered MIVA, htmlscript, a new language like cgi, that operates on the ISPs server, but is safer for the ISP. After having suspended heavy duty programming, in 1991, due to neurotransmitter shortages, that my immune system needed, I have begun to entertain the possibility that I could rewrite all the software I formerly developed in PowerBasic, in MIVA, and re-enter the world of "being a programmer".
So, in addition to continually renewing my own mental
software, and gradually publishing my archival documents,
I will also be learning more about Microsoft Access, to get
better organized, and Novell Netware,
That should keep me busy until my next job. I will also be growing an herb business on the InfoHighway.
WARNING: FROM THIS POINT IN THIS FILE,
IT IS ALL DYS-ORGANIZED,
Actually, this list is Self-Organizing,
as I work on first one part and then another,
Anything that is complicated and feels "broken" or "stagnant",
can be renewed